LEGALISM: HOW TO DO IT WELL

The Blessing of Life in a Culture of Pure Legalism

I have had the privilege of having significant relationships with Christians from various traditions. Because of our Mormon culture, Christians here are sensitive to the issue of legalism and discuss it often. Mormons specialize in legalism because their religion is all about legalism from beginning to end. They talk much about the importance of doing good things. We agree with them that it is good to do good things. But when we Christians explain how grace is unmerited favor, they object and declare that obedience to commandments is necessary to please God and be accepted by Him. One can't get forgiveness free they tell us because that would make people lazy. They do use the word grace and are doing so more and more, but don't be fooled. If you listen closely and ask questions you will discover that what they mean by grace is usually some form of kind or gentle legalism—another chance to keep the rules. Grace doesn't free you from the rules, but gives you help and more time to keep them. Rules must eventually be kept. So living in this overwhelmingly dominant culture of Mormonism of pure legalism forces us to stay alert. Without alertness here one can easily get sucked into the lies of legalism.

What is legalism?

This simple question is not simple to answer. I have thought about it for many years and been dissatisfied with my own study, with my own understanding, and with what I have heard others say or write about it. A few years ago I sought to avoid using the word because, even here, we tend to be sensitive to legalism in other people but not in ourselves. Why is it that when we Christians use the word legalism we are almost always pointing the finger at other people and not at ourselves—at other denominations and not at our own? Why do I never point the finger at myself and say something like the following? "Wow, I am really having legalistic thoughts today." Do you notice any legalism in others? Some likely notice it in you. When is the last time you noticed it in yourself? Isn't this an interesting dilemma?

The Key Word: Manageable

Just recently a word or thought came to me that may be helpful: manageable. Mormonism is all about making God's expectations manageable. Does God really want us Christians to do that? To think or speak of God's law or commandments in a manageable way is legalism. To think or speak of my (or your) obedience in a manageable way is legalism. Now that seems to have enough clarity so that I can begin to notice legalism in myself and you can notice it in yourself. Am I making the law, commandments, or my obedience manageable? We all have an intuitive sense about this and are somewhat sensitive to it in other people, but need clear thinking to see it in ourselves. 

Manageability is like judgmentalism. Hundreds of Mormons have told me that what they really don't like about other Mormons is that they are so judgmental. In each conversation I affirmed the evil of judgmentalism and then gently asked if it was easy for the person to resist judging judgmental people. Every time the person responded in embarrassment admitting to being just like the people being criticized. It is good to judge if we judge by perfection as God does, otherwise we are judging unrighteously. What authority do we have to do that? Righteous judgment—judgment by the standard of perfection—reveals that we are all in the same boat together as failures and makes it impossible to look down on another person—truly impossible. When we judge by some lowered manageable standards, we have entered the arena of competition where some of us succeed and others fail. Judgmentalism then is unavoidable. You may think highly of yourself that you are able to have manageable standards without being judgmental, but by doing so you are just proving my point that you think that you can succeed where others fail. You are fooling yourself. In the same way, God's law and obedience to God are good. Could it be that legalism is simply the natural result of shrinking either of these in such a way as to make them manageable? 

Isaiah's Experience

Notice the following beautiful verse in a Messianic chapter in the Gospel of Isaiah. I call it the Gospel of Isaiah because it is filled with grace—unmerited favor poured out on God's people—righteousness as a gift—God's delight in His Son and in His people.

"The Lord is well pleased for His righteousness sake; He will exalt the law and make it glorious." -Isaiah 42:21

Does this verse convey a sense of awe and glory, or of manageability? Exaltation is the opposite of manageability. God can manage the exaltation of the law, where as no flawed human can. Read Isaiah 6:1-7 and notice his experience.

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train^a of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!”

 

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”

Whatever Isaiah saw crushed his pride. He realized and cried out that he was a spiritually ruined man. What he saw was so big that it made him realize that all the people of Israel were spiritually ruined, too. The result was that Isaiah was spiritually healed and transformed. What did he see? I suggest that he saw the perfect righteousness of God and the surprise of unmerited favor that flows from that righteousness. In John 12:38-41, the Apostle John declares that what Isaiah saw in his vision was Isaiah chapter 53—"by his knowledge the righteous servant will make many righteous, for he will bear their iniquities." I have been greatly blessed to notice this connection and meditate much on it. See if such meditation might bless you.

How to do Legalism Well

I would like to give a humorous exhortation of how to do legalism well. If you live in Mormon culture you likely will hear an echo of this culture. That is the point. Manageability is the name of the game in Mormonism. Satan is alive and well and seeking to get us Christians to believe his lie and to think like Mormons, who are expert legalists or managers of God's expectations. They use religious words with unbiblical definitions in an attractive and persuasive way. Thus in the following, most religious words will be used with enticing Mormon definitions: worldliness, godliness, flesh, walking in the Spirit, laziness, obedience, and more. Remember that Satan masquerades as an angel of light and so his advice will be subtle counterfeits of truth. Here is my version of some of his advice to Christians as to how to obey God. See if you can detect the lies in the words and how manageability is ever present. Especially deceitful is the word flesh. Let's learn to laugh at ourselves in our failures so that we might better notice when we have bought into the lie. So here goes. What follows is Satan's advice for how to obey God.

Satan says:

• The first step in obedience to God is to realize that obedience is very important and that it is wrong and sinful to not obey God. 
• Second, it is important to realize that there are two serious errors to avoid in seeking to obey God. Just as one can go in the ditches on either the left or right side of the road when driving, so it is possible to be a lazy Christian or a legalist. Laziness is obvious. There are a lot of people who don't want to take seriously living the Christian life well—growing in the lord and living a holy life. This is a big problem, but the other problem can sneak up on a person who is taking obedience seriously. In seeking to avoid laziness it is possible to over correct and end up off the other side of the road in the ditch of legalism. Legalism is about using the law in a wrong way. The law is good but some people get way too pushy with it. That is legalism. So be careful to avoid being lazy, but also avoid being too pushy with the law.  
• Third, let's clarify and solidify our understanding. Make no mistake: God wants us to do good to our families, fellow saints, and unsaved neighbors. The Good Samaritan was one of Jesus' most popular parables. That Samaritan went out of his way to help a man who likely hated Samaritans. Use this parable as a reminder that no one is too bad for you to help. So be a good Samaritan to the people in your life. As you go through your days visualize others as hurt and in the ditch and in need of some kind of compassion from you.
• Fourth, you likely already notice that we all sometimes forget to do good and fail. It is important to not condemn yourself for that. Remember that Jesus is everything you need. And as long as you aren't a lazy Christian, you can look at your past and see that you have come a long way. That should be a big comfort. When you fail, thank God for Jesus. Remember that He doesn't expect for you to be perfect in your obedience but only  to make progress in becoming a more obedient Christian day by day.
• Fifth, keep in mind that the key to winning the spiritual battle is to know your enemy. It may be that the flesh is the greatest enemy in the Christian life. The flesh is your weakness and tendency to sin. So watch out for those in every situation. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Don't let your weaknesses and sins rule you. 
• Sixth, another enemy to watch out for is worldliness. This is a deceitful trap. Many men get trapped in watching too much sports and some women get trapped in following the latest fashions. Many young people get hooked on cell phones. These are just three obvious examples, but there are many more. Use self-control or you will find yourself getting pulled into sins of various kinds. There are many ways to sin; so be alert for temptation.
• Seventh, the third thing to watch our for is ungodliness. We can approach this topic from a positive direction. Live a godly life and ungodliness will not be a problem for you. Choose to fill your life with prayer, Bible reading, evangelism, helping the poor, and visiting the shut-ins in your church. These days there are so many children from broken homes. Seek to speak blessing to those people at church because they have it real rough. All these things are good and so when you focus on them you won't have time for ungodly things like greed, selfishness, anger, laziness, and more.
• Eighth, remember that you are a new creation in Christ. This means that you have a new nature and thus sin can now really be a thing of the past for you. The Holy Spirit has power. Don't get tricked into thinking that the Spirit isn't strong enough to help you resist sin. 
• Ninth, remember that you are not a lone-ranger Christian. You are part of God's people. Therefore apply all the above principles to the Christians you know. Remind them of these principles and exhort them to apply them.  
• Last, walk in the Spirit and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh. The Spirit always leads you to its fruit: love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, etc. The Spirit never points you to immorality, impurity, envy, idolatry, strife, anger, drunkenness, and such like. The flesh does that. Keep these two lists in mind as you seek to be led by the Spirit. The Spirit will never lead you to sin.
• Now you are ready to obey God. The sky is the limit when you have the Spirit to empower you to do God's will.

Legalism is seeing God's expectations—His commandments and our obedience—in some manageable form. God always expects perfection and only Jesus can manage perfect expectations. This applies when thinking of Christians and non-Christians. 

DOES THE SINNERS PRAYER ALWAYS WORK?

The Puzzle

I have spoken with many people who have told me that they have prayed the sinner's prayer and it didn't work. Years ago I heard a woman say in a gathering of Christians that she had just prayed the sinner's prayer for the 26th time and was hoping that it was finally going to work. If it didn't work the first 25 times, why would this woman have any confidence that it would ever work for her? In my observations the sinner's prayer doesn't seem to work every time. Why is that? Is it because God doesn't want it to be so predictable? Is it because God doesn't want certain sinners to be saved and so won't hear their prayer? I suggest that the answer is simple, surprisingly simple.

Being a Counterfeit Sinner

Living in Mormon culture has had surprising benefits in understanding my own religion more clearly. It may be that all of the thousands of Mormons I have spoken with about spiritual matters have freely offered, or at least agreed, that they are sinners. Does that surprise you? After many conversations I became suspicious that something was missing. Now when a Mormon admits to being a sinner, I ask for explanation of what is meant by the word sinner. The conversation that follows is often humorous, at least from my vantage point. Here is a sample conversation.

Mormon: Of course I am a sinner.
Me: May I ask you a few questions to see which kind of sinner you are?
Mormon: I thought that there was just one kind of sinner.
Me: There are two kinds of sinners: helpless sinners and sinners with assets. Which kind are you?
Mormon: I am not sure what you mean. Can you explain?
Me: Some of Jesus' first words were, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." This is the first line from his most famous speech, the Sermon on the Mount, and is found in Matthew 5:3. Have you heard of it?
Mormon: I don't remember.
Me: The word poor is actually the word beggar in the original Bible. Do you consider yourself to be a spiritual beggar?
Mormon: I still am not sure I catch your meaning.
Me: You have ever seen a beggar?
Mormon: Yes.
Me: What does a beggar have to offer?
Mormon: Nothing. He just takes.
Me: So in the spiritual world do you see yourself as a spiritual beggar, or do you have good things that you can offer to God?
Mormon: Of course I have something to offer to God.
Me: Can you give me some examples?
Mormon: I can repent. I can offer sincerity and willingness.
Me: So then you are not a spiritual beggar who can only take. You have assets. According to Jesus you don't qualify for the kingdom of heaven. 37 years ago I gave up thinking I had anything good to offer God and realized that I was a spiritual beggar.

This conversation usually opens a door to explain the difference between a gift and a reward. All Mormons tell me that they believe that Jesus died on the cross for their sins. I then ask them what then need to do to connect to what Jesus did for them. They reply with words like: repent, try to keep the commandments. do what is right. At this point I commonly give the testimony of a friend who became a Christian as an active Mormon by reading the Book of Mormon. 

Testimony: A Counterfeit Sinner Becomes a Real One

About 15 years ago this active Mormon was witnessed to by a Christian. And to cover her bases, she prayed the sinner's prayer. But nothing happened. Eight years later while reading the Book of Mormon two versed shocked her and opened her eyes to see that she was spiritually ruined. One was the famous third to the last verse in the book, which contains the following. Notice my bold emphasis of the words of all, and if/then.

"and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind, and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you,"

When she read this she suddenly realized that only if she was perfect would she get grace from God to cover her past sins. She knew that such was impossible, gave up all hope in herself, and cried out to God that Jesus died for her and that that was all she had. Immediately she was filled with peace, knew she was forgiven, and began to tell her Mormon friends. They thought she was crazy. Eventually she realized what had happened to her and found some Christians to join. 

The Sinner's Prayer Always Works

The sinner's prayer always works when prayed by a real sinner. The problem is that most people are counterfeit sinners. They have deceived themselves into thinking and saying that they are sinners when they actually mean that they are good people who sin sometimes. This is what Mormons tell me. Just as honest awareness of perfection crushed the pride of this friend and opened her eyes to her true sinful condition, so too it is what God designed to open the eyes of any spiritually blind person. Let's become experts at kindly and gladly helping others become honestly aware that perfection is the only good way to relate to God. 

THE POWER OF UNMERITED FAVOR TO CHANGE A MIND

A few years ago a young Christian man used to stop in Oasis often on his lunch break. One day he came in angry and announced that there was no hope for a certain named person. I asked him what made him say that, and he told me the story. He said that he and the other man played together on a Christian softball team and they had gotten into an argument. The other man had picked up a baseball bat and threatened him with it. From that point the conversations reflected the following. See if you can relate.

Me: What he did to you was really sinful.
Brother: No need to tell me.
Me: Is he a Christian?
Brother: Yeah.
Me: Has God forgiven him for all his sins?
Brother: Of course.
Me: Is God counting his sins?
Brother: No
Me: Then why are you mad?
Brother: I am counting.

At this point the conversation changed and the brother relaxed realizing that his problem was that he had forgotten how God viewed the other Christian. Also he admitted that he had been angry in the argument. We rejoice together in what Christ had done for us all and he said that he would call the brother that night and admit his wrong even if the other brother didn't. The next day he came back and said that when he called the brother, the brother was in tears confessing his own sins. The rest of the story is that these two men became fast friends. Grace is powerful.

Unmerited favor takes what seems a hopeless relationship and fills it with hope of the gospel, not of personal performance. But it is not automatic. It requires remembering the freedom Christ has given in His work on the cross and understanding what that all means. Do you have any troubled relationships with Christians? Talk to God about it and tell Him how bad the other person's behavior is. Don't minimize it--maximize it. Tell Him that the person deserves hell for that sin. Thank Him for the cross freeing that person from what he deserves: from all condemnation, guilt, shame, and score keeping. Maybe even thank Him for smiling down on that other person who troubles you so much. Try it and see what happens. You might find you actually like that person. Miracles do happen.

SEEING RIGHT-SIDE UP: GRACE FOR OTHER PEOPLE

Unmerited Favor for You

If you are a Christian then you have been saved by grace (unmerited favor) through faith without any personal works. Does that make your heart sing? As a Christian you now have a relationship with God based on unmerited favor. That ought to make your heart sing, too.

Satan is Real and a Liar

Do you believe that Satan is real? I do. I think that his big lie is all about persuading and deceiving me to think that there is somehow still some merit that I need to bring to my relationship with God. I consider that to be a lie and keep alert for it, but freely admit that I have swallowed it more times than I realize. How about you? Do you agree that it is a lie? Are you alert to avoid buying it? Have you like me been tricked at times?

The Big Identity Change

I became a Christian 37 years ago. Like everyone else, I started life with an identity under the elementary principles of the world (Galatians 4:3), under the merit system of my conscience, under the law. My conscience told me to always do the right thing. I didn't; I made excuses; I blamed others; I tried to feel good about myself by comparing myself to others; I became rather proficient at looking down on others; and I saw Jesus as a lawgiver who needed to be obeyed or placated in order to obtain forgiveness from him. Can you relate to my experience? One day a Christian knocked on my door at university and told me that forgiveness was a free gift paid for by the death of Christ and offered to helpless sinners. I couldn't believe my ears. That guy was really wrong and I told him so. "You have to be good to get forgiveness, and if I am not good enough then the line behind me is really long." I laugh at that statement now as it seems rather self-righteous, but on that day I was dead serious about it. I had quit a Protestant church and become an agnostic, but still my mind and my identity were all about merit. I resisted that guy, but went with him and his friends to Bible study and church for months to prove to myself that religion was a waste of time. But they were clean cut like I was, and they liked me, in spite of my very self-righteous attitude. I was intrigued. Watching them and reading the words of Jesus for myself for the first time slowly sensitized me to the truth that Jesus is a grace-giver, not a law-giver, and won't cheapen perfection for anyone. It is like I woke up one day rejoicing that forgiveness was a gift and I had it. My identity suddenly changed; one day I was under a relationship of merit with God and life, and the next day I knew that I was free in Christ from God requiring merit from me. My testimony of God changed from one of merited favor to unmerited favor. 

The reason my testimony changed is that my identity changed. In 37 years I have never had the thought that merit was required to be with God forever. But before I was a Christian I never had the thought that such was unmerited. I have asked Mormon students if they could remember the last time that they told someone that full exaltation (being forever with God) was a free gift that didn't require any personal works. As I have pushed them to try harder to remember, they have replied in this vain: "Why would I say that since I have never even had the thought that it was free." Their testimony is merited favor because their identity is merited favor. Which is your testimony?

The Surprise of Grace as Community

When I became a Christian, my identity changed. This was personal but it was not merely personal. In the universe there are two identities as Romans 6:14 declares, "For sin shall not have dominion over you because you are not under law [merited favor] but under grace [unmerited favor]." Because of the way God created the universe, every person is born in the world under the authority of law; doing good is obligatory to avoid judgement; and favor is merited. At the creation of the universe unmerited favor existed in the heart of God but did not exist in the created universe--not until Jesus died on the cross. The conscience knew about unmerited favor but had no authority to grant it. Until the cross God had passed over sin, He had not technically forgiven it yet. (See Romans 3:25) The substitutionary death of Christ opened the door to unmerited favor, to redemption from law, which is the forgiveness of sins. (See Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14) Fifty days later at Pentecost, God poured out His promised Spirit of righteousness on Israel, freeing it from the Old Covenant of pure merited favor and giving it the New Covenant of pure unmerited favor. Sins and transgressions would be remembered no more by God. A new community was born within the old and all in Israel were commanded to change their minds, abandon confidence in merited favor, and enter this new community of the authority of unmerited favor. Then the Samaritans were welcomed in, (See Acts 8) and finally the Gentiles were welcomed in. (See Acts 10) God intended this new community to fill the whole earth. All are born in the world, and all are called, invited, commanded, and welcomed to turn from merited favor and come into the Community of grace, of unmerited favor. 

Unmerited Favor For All Other People

Do you see these two communities and their authority--the world (merited favor) and the New Covenant gathering (unmerited favor)? Every individual is in the world, but those who God has adopted into His royal family have entered the community of unmerited favor and are not of the world because they are dead to merit with God. Satan and the world hate this new community of freedom from merit, but God delights in it as it is His community built on His love and His righteousness alone. As you relate to the people around you, do you seek to notice the identity of each and relate to each based on their identity? Or do you tend to view people based on their behavior? Are you attracted to broken people as Jesus was, longing to show them the door into the community of grace? Do you see each of those still trapped under the authority of merit as hopeless no matter how much they improve? Do you see them all--the most evil ones even--as invited into the celebration of unmerited favor? You may say that you see identity clearly, but let me offer a test of your optimism. 


Jesus saw people perfectly through their identity. He was never distracted. He saw evil behavior but always saw it in light of identity. So when He was hanging on the cross naked and in great pain, He cried out to the Father for the Father to free His persecutors from their guilt by giving it all to Him: "Father forgive them, give me all their shame and guilt." So when a fellow saint--one delighted in by God, free from all shame and guilt, and free from the pressure of merit--mistreats you in some way, what is your reaction? Have you thanked the Father for the privilege you have of carrying that burden for the other person? Think over the past years and seek to remember times of great betrayal, pain, abuse, criticism, or financial deception you suffered at the hands of another Christian. How did you respond? Did you see that person as free from the pressure of merit while he was mistreating you? If so, do you think that violator sensed a warm welcome from you to a closer relationship? Did you give that violator a piece of your mind or did you give him the peace of the cross? Contact me, give me the name of the person who badly hurt you, and let me ask that person if he felt a warm welcome from you while he was criticizing you. What do you think he will say? If you gave him a warm welcome while he was criticizing you, then he will remember it--at least in general. Why? It is very rare among us Christians to welcome criticism gladly. If you did it, it will be note worthy. Let's stop pretending and admit that good behavior on the part of other Christians is what we really care about.  

Thinking of Real Life Brings Understanding

My friend John and I talk much seeking to stir each other to understand grace more clearly. It is a great blessing. He and I had a conversation last summer that reflects the following. 

John:  Brad, I know that God always smiles on me even in the middle of me being an idiot and not treating others kindly.  When my attitude is awful and my action towards others is hurtful God still looks fondly upon me.   Even through all my badness God still likes me.  The work of Jesus on the cross is all I need for God to be pleased with me.

Brad: I am glad that is true for you and me, for your wife and mine, for your children and mine, as well as for all other Christians.

John:  As hard as it is to understand I am learning to see the truth of it and usually only get depressed when I fail and in the middle of my failure forget what Christ did for me.  It is sometimes easy to forget that even at my worst God always likes me because of His Son. The really hard part for me is seeing how it works for others who are unkind to me.  I know this sounds hypocritical, but when someone sins against me I really want God to avenge.

Brad: Don't all Christians have the same grace relationship with God that you have?

John: Of course they do, but how do I see that for them when they are mistreating me?

Brad: So while you are upset at your wife and speaking rudely to her, are you totally free and God is smiling on you and likes you?

John: Yep.

Brad: The same applies to other people. Let's say you do something wrong and your wife gets really upset with you and not only speaks rudely to you, but in revenge donates your expensive golf clubs to the thrift store. She has done a terrible thing, but while she was doing all that to you God was smiling on her and likes her all because of Christ.

John:  I understand it, but that it doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m forgetful. However, remembering this one thing would be a game changer. It would mean never getting upset with anyone again.   

Do You Want to See Grace for Others?

If you say that you want to get a vision of grace for other people then I would suggest that you talk to God about it. Be honest in your conversation and even humorously so, if needed. God can handle honest conversation. Start where you are not where you think God wants you to be. Tell God things like:

• God what I really want is for other people to behave properly and stop making my life difficult.
• God, you want them to remember what Jesus did for them so that they will change and do good things out of thankfulness. 
• But God I don't want to wait. I am tired of carrying burdens for lazy Christians. I want them to change now.
• I am glad that you have forgiven me freely and completely because of the cross, but salvation changes people and that Christian (name him or her) isn't serious about changing.
• God, you call me to rejoice always, but do you really mean for me to rejoice while other Christians are mistreating me?
• God, you do tell me to do everything without complaining, but certainly that does't apply when I feel hurt by other Christians, does it? 
• God, you do tell me to give thanks always, but you don't know how frustrating my wife and children can be at times.
• God I am really angry that my husband gives me almost no tenderness and understanding. He treats me like his servant. He is making my life miserable. He says that he is a Christian, and so why don't you fix him? 
• God, don't you realize that M_____ keeps hurting me and deserves a piece of my mind?
• God, I am not as bad a Christian as M_____, at least I am trying to do right. Of course compared to Jesus we are both failures, but do you really want me to think so negatively?
• God, thank you for not giving me what I deserve, but giving all my guilt, shame, and condemnation to Christ. Thank you that the finished work of Christ is all I need for life. Thank you that all the Christians, especially M_____, who hurt me are completely free from condemnation, even while they are hurting me. Thank you for rejoicing over me with singing and for rejoicing in song over those who bother me.  Thank you that you really like those Christians who hurt me and even like them as much as you like me. Thank you that even though M_____ can't stand me, you fully welcome him in Christ. Thank you that Jesus was glad to carry all M____'s sin. Thank you for giving me the privilege of knowing M____ and carrying all the burdens M_____ chooses to give me. Help me remind him of how much you love him. Thank your for making all my troubles, afflictions, weaknesses, and critics to be a blessing to me. Please bring them to me whenever you think I need them. Thank you for being a tender Father and for bringing into my life only what is good for me and brings you glory. Thank you for adopting us all into your royal family and promising never to cast us out. Thank you for putting me with all the saints in your kingdom of unmerited favor where we all are free from all condemnation and all have all the treasures of heaven.

Make your prayers practical about other Christians (name them individually) you perceive to be troubling you and watch your heart open toward them. You might begin to like and enjoy them while they are mistreating you. You might even feel compassion toward them for the pain they are feeling for forgetting the cross--a forgetfulness that is the cause of their mistreatment of you. You might begin to notice their failings as God does--as hell-deserving--and notice them as God does--as righteous in Christ, fully covered by the blood, and a source of joy. Wouldn't that be a novel way to think? 

ARE YOU CONFIDENT THAT GOD IS GOOD? A TEST

If you say that you trust that God is good, then I have a test for you.
True or False...

1. If God is good then all that He brings into your life is for your benefit and blessing.
2. All that does come into your life works for good because you know God.
3. Every criticism that you receive, even when false and unkind, is a blessing to you from God.
4. You gladly welcome all criticism as a blessing from God.
5. You know your tendency to resist criticism and therefore pray and ask God to bring you critics to help you overcome this tendency.
6. Since God is good and critics are His blessing to you, you regularly thank God for bringing them to you.
7. Since God is good, you rejoice in the Lord always while receiving criticism, realizing that you are worse than the critics declare.
8. Since critics are a blessing from God to help you see your need to learn to love, you thank your critics for offering their criticism--even when it is not valid--to honor their care for you.

If you trust that God is good then the above will naturally overflows from that trust. Have you been afraid to pray in this way? Are you thinking that God's answer might be out of your control? What does that reveal about your confidence that God is good? Here is a simple step forward in trusting the goodness of God. Will you take it? The Christians around you would be blessed if you did.

"Father in heaven, thank you that you are good in all that comes my way. Thank you that all my critics are a blessing sent from your hand of love to help me see my need to grow in love. Please bring me critics on your schedule as much as you think I need. Sooner is better than later for the sake of my family, friends, and church. Thank you for making Christ to be all my security when the critics come. Amen."

Decades ago an article by AW Tozer brought the above to my attention and I began to pray this way. It is easy and natural for us humans to see our critics as a problem. I suggest that we cannot overcome this problem, but can only suppress it. The good news is that God can overcome it for us. Since beginning to pray this prayer, all my critics have become an answer to prayer. By definition they are no longer a problem for me but rather a blessing to me. What a relief. God is so good! Let's celebrate...even with our critics. 

FYI: This applies to trials as well as critics. Feel free to make that application also.

THE SURPRISE IN SEEING GRACE AS UNMERITED FAVOR

Are you a Christian? If you are, then likely you rejoice that you were and are saved by grace. You likely have heard preachers explain that grace is unmerited favor. Thus every Christian has a relationship with God based on unmerited favor.

But what exactly is unmerited favor? Having favor with another person means to have a relationship where there is peace and harmony and no walls keeping you at a distance. You are welcome into the heart of the other person. If that favor is unmerited then there are no performance rules that you have to keep to fully experience that favor. Unmerited favor is a gift from one person to another. This is what separates Christianity from all other religions--unmerited favor. 

Lies, Lies, Lies

I suggest that Satan is real and that there is a good reason why Jesus called him the father of lies. The world is full of lies that are intended to destroy, hinder, suppress, or mock good relationships between people and between a person and God. One of those lies is about unmerited favor. I would like to test to see if you ever buy that lie as I sometimes do.

The Blessing of Living in a Culture of Pure Merit

The culture where I live is a wonderful place to see the nuances of what it means to be a Christian. The nuances of the lies are more visible too. In my area of Utah about 90% of the Anglos identify as Mormons and say that they are Christians. They strongly emphasize being kind and generous to neighbors, helping the poor, forgiving those who wrong them, and seeking to be humble. But something is missing in my Mormon culture: unmerited favor. Mormonism teaches that all favor is merited--that is what life is about. They call life on earth a time of probation. Probation is always about merit. When I witness to Mormons I explain that God loved the world and sent his son to die on the cross to offer a relationship with him of unmerited favor. When they get the meaning of my words, they are surprised and disagree saying things like: "There is no free lunch," "You have to be accountable for your actions," "We are here on earth to learn to do what is right," or "Why do anything good then." One old man put it best: "You do the crime, you do the time." Mormons do use the word grace frequently but mean by it God's kind second chance and help to do what is right. They say that doing the right thing is necessary to avoid the consequences. They often volunteer that their hope includes another chance in the next life to stop sinning. This is pure merited favor. It is a heavy burden. The lie is that if God or I speak kindly, give more chances, but also require merit, then it is grace. The lie about relationships happens when merit is mixed into the equation or when unmerited favor is left out.

The Fruit of Merit Thinking

How the merit system plays out in my culture is where the lie hits home. See if you can relate to  any of following. It may be a bit uncomfortable. Since I am not a Mormon and because of my approach in witnessing, Mormons seem to easily tell me their problems. I have had many hundred Mormons tell me one by one what they don't like about other Mormons, or about how they have been hurt by other Mormons (family, friends, neighbors, or people from church). I listen, waiting for a door for the gospel, which nearly always appears. Often the door is almost too big to miss. They never tell me that the problem with the other Mormons is that they are too forgiving, too loving, too kind, too generous, or too humble. What they tell me is that the other person has not merited forgiveness, or friendship, or a smile, or a kind word. The list goes on. Parents tell me of how their children are so frustrating or disappointing. Teenagers and university students tell me how they hate their parents attempts to manipulate their behavior. What is really common is for them to tell me that what really bothers them is pride and judgmentalism of "all the other Mormons." How do they know all the other Mormons? It is common to hear things like, "When that person apologizes or really changes then I will forgive him." "He doesn't deserve my forgiveness." "There is no hope for that person for what she did." "At least I am not as bad as that person." "He is such a disappointment." Do you hear the constant chant of: merit, merit, merit and the brokenness of the relationships caused by keeping score of merit?

Unmerited Favor and You

You and every other Christian you know has a relationship with God of unmerited favor that is free from the pressure of merit. Do you agree? If it is not true then we all are in big trouble. Now let's evaluate. When another Christian wrong's you how do you respond? Do you delight that God is not keeping score for that person because of Jesus? Do you draw near that person to comfort her in her failure as she might have forgotten how much God loves her and have moved into the lie of self-condemnation? Do you freely accept the blame that you don't deserve, as Jesus did, and remind the person of how glad you are to be together with her in God's unmerited favor? When your spouse sins against you are you glad to be married to that person and have the privilege of working together through that difficulty? Or do you feel disappointed with the failures of others, especially if against you? Is it hard for you to forgive others because you aren't sure that they are sorry or wanting to change? When people repeatedly fail, neglect or hurt you do feel frustrated, disappointed, or angry? When others hurt you do you tend to feel cold and distance yourself from them? Do you get frustrated or disappointed with your children? Are you afraid that your children will make you look bad in public? Are you afraid to be seen around the wrong kind of people? Are you glad to get away from pushy or complaining Christians? Do you worry about what people think of you at church? Do you tip at restaurants based on how good the service is? Are you quick to complain about bad service or the failures of others? Do you get angry, frustrated, disappointed, or depressed about your own failures? All the actions above are symptoms of a choice you made in the moment. If you have unmerited favor and zero merit in the equation with another person, then you can't possibly feel disappointed, frustrated, angry, cold, unforgiving, bitter, distant, or worried over the failures of others. It is impossible. You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that I am wrong, but if you aren't keeping score with that person, then there is no bad score to keep and thus no bad score to worry about. Do you get it? By the way, the only good score is perfection. By that I am a failure. How about you? I am so glad that my score is Jesus.

God is the Only Good Scorekeeper

The reason you feel horrible about the other person's sin against you is because you have usurped God job as scorekeeper. No person has a right to be the scorekeeper of others. Our job is to always notice how God is keeping score. God is always delighting in that Christian who hurt you. If you have unmerited favor in the equation, and no merit, then Jesus' death is always in view in the equation and you will always be looking over God's shoulder at His scorecard and will not only be at peace with what you see but you will share in God's delight--even while you are being sinned against. We all are together on that same scorecard as dearly loved and free from merit-measuring by the merit of Christ on the cross. When a person sins against you and you are looking at God's scorecard, then you will rejoice in the blood of Christ that has freed that person from all condemnation. In all honesty, all your misery about relationships is cause by you complaining to God about the way he keeps score. It is true for me, too. I have a low tolerance for misery and seek to always keep my eye on God's scorecard no matter what happens in life. 

The Big Lie

The big lie is that unmerited favor is the door into a good relationship with God but that after that at least some merit is required to maintain the relationship--or to keep God happy, to put it more crudely. If God is ever disappointed with you as a Christian then He still has a merit relationship with you as a person. Of course your bad behavior is evil, and of course God notices it. But you are not your behavior. This is a careful distinction to make in order to thrive in relationships and to avoid ruining them. I am glad that all Christians are always in our identity even when we forget it, even when we are asleep, and even if we get dementia in old age. Do you see yourself in your identity of having a relationship of pure unmerited favor with God? Do you see your behavior as separate from your identity? Bad behavior simply results from looking away from God's scorecard. Practice thinking this way about yourself and then begin thinking it about all the Christians you know--especially the most obnoxious ones--and you may be surprised at how much you enjoy other Christians even while they are sinning against you.

ARE YOU A GOOD CHRISTIAN?

What would you think if you overheard a friend tell someone that you were not a good Christian? Of course if you claimed to be an atheist, Muslim, or Buddhist you would not in the least disagree, though you might wonder about the motive for such a confused statement. But let's assume that you see yourself as a Christian. In that case, what would you think of those words? Would you think them to be judgmental or hypocritical? Might you feel a bit offended? Now let's say that the next day you overheard another friend talking about you, and that person said that you were a good Christian. How would you respond to those words? Let's evaluate more closely.

The Surprise in a Good Question

Are you a good Christian? There are only two possible answers. If you are not a Christian at all then the answer is obvious. But if you are a Christian, then what does it take to be a good one? I live in a part of Utah which may be the friendliest and most expressively religious part of the USA. Ninety percent of the people claim a heritage with the Mormon Church and all of them now claim to be Christians. Outsiders may say that they are not, but they claim to be. I discuss religious matters with hundreds of Mormons annually and commonly inquire whether they consider themselves to be good. Nearly all Mormons tell me that they see themselves as good. I always ask curiously how they come to that conclusion. They then always explain that they simply compare themselves to other people. One USU student said that she was good compared to everyone else. When I then ask how they would do if compared to Jesus, all stop smiling and say they would not be good. The conversation usually turns humorous at this point as they all declare that it is not good to compare oneself to others, but that we all do it. They are often surprised that they think it good to compare oneself to Jesus. They also say that they don't like people looking down on them but freely do it to others to feel good about themselves. Do you see the quandary this puts us all in?

Now back to our question. If we honor what my Mormon acquaintances tell me, then it is never good to compare myself to you, my wife, or any other Christian to determine if I am a good one. The Apostle Paul declares in 2 Corinthians 10:12 that it is not good to compare myself to my past performance. Now compared to Jesus I am a failure. How about you? Thus no one is a good Christian if being a good Christian is based on right behavior. But what does God see when He sees a Christian? Certainly He notices our behavior. But when He sees me as a person He sees me in Christ as dead to law--as dead to my old identity under the obligation to always do what was right. My righteousness was corrupt, lawless, and sinful. Christ took my righteousness, my identity as a law breaker, and gave me His identity as a righteous son. Because of the cross He could do this. It is a real identity exchange; it not an illusion. It is not just God checking a box in heaven and then continuing to relate to me like I am still in my old identity as unrighteous under law. I really am always in Christ and thus am always in a right relationship with God. God sees me as being as righteous as He sees Christ because Christ is my righteousness. This means that my behavior is not my righteousness. 

Identity or Behavior?

So in God's judgment--which is the only one that really matters--I am always righteous and He always smiles on me because of Christ, even at my worst. This implies that God always sees me as a good Christian because of Jesus. Thus to be a Christian is to be a good Christian--to be filled with all goodness as Paul says in Romans 15:14. This is true for you if you are a Christian. Our question reveals how much we are gripped with seeing ourselves and all other people through behavior. Behavior is important, but it needs to be kept in perspective. A non-Christian who works hard and stops most of his sins is still trapped in his identity under law under God's good reaction against all evil. I live surrounded by some really nice people who hate the gift of righteousness with a passion. They are in big trouble with God if they don't swap identities with Christ. It is important for us saints to take seriously our role as God's ambassadors of reconciliation to these nice lost people. The behavior of Christians also concerns God. He cares so much about it that he has made our good behavior the work of His Spirit. I suggest that the Spirit always points every saint to the person and work of Christ--to perfect love and righteousness as a gift--and when we hear the voice of the Spirit and keep our minds set there, then the fruit of the Spirit flows out effortlessly to everyone we meet. This sounds like good behavior to me. God worked at the cross, and when we remember the meaning of that work, then we work God's way.

Identity, identity, identity. Right thinking leads to right action.

The answer to our original question depends on whether you are thinking of behavior or identity. God thinks in terms of identity. Which will you think in terms of? It is critical to learn to think and speak clearly so that God gets the glory and we don't quench the work of the Spirit. I suggest that you start by pondering the meaning of your identity as fully righteous in Christ, then begin thinking about how that identity applies to all the Christians you know, and finally ponder how it applies to all the non-Christians you know. Especially apply this to the obnoxious people you know--non-Christians, Christians, and yourself.

WHY DID JESUS SPEAK OF CONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS?

“For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 

But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins." 

-Jesus, Matthew 6:14,15

Have you always perfectly forgiven, that is, never held even a tiny bit of a grudge? If not then what is your hope of getting forgiveness from God? A few verses earlier Jesus had commanded His hearers to be perfect as God is perfect. How is it going? I suggest that if you have any confidence of being forgiven by God then you must have a wonderful secret. Whether you realize it or not, you are persuaded that this verse doesn't apply to you, because unless Jesus was joking or exaggerating, none of us has any hope of being forgiven. Let's be honest about this.

So what did Jesus mean then? New questions often bring new insights. Try these.

1. Did Jesus speak these words before or after He died on the cross?
2. Did Jesus speak these words under the Old Covenant of law or the New Covenant of grace?
3. Who was Jesus' audience: Christians who have a relationship with God based on UNMERITED favor, or Jews who had a relationship with God based on law keeping and MERITED favor?
4. Did Jesus' audience see that they were helpless condemned sinners, or did they have confidence that their hard work at law keeping would gain them forgiveness and welcome with God?
5. Did Jesus preach perfect obedience to break the stubborn pride of His Jewish audience, to reveal that they were law breakers not law keepers, to reveal their need of unmerited favor, and to prepare them to take the gift of righteousness that would be revealed at Pentecost, or did He preach perfection to stir His Jewish audience to try harder and be more self-righteous?
6. Does thinking perfection (perfect love, perfect law, perfect obedience) remove all confidence in human obedience--of oneself and all others?

It is very easy to get distracted from the glory of unmerited favor.

The Surprise of reading the Bible Contextually

Did the first five questions surprise you? Last week I had a conversion with two very thoughtful women in their 30's who came in Oasis Books. I assumed that they were Mormons as nearly all non-Hispanics here are. They browsed the CS Lewis books and one made comment to the other about how easy reading Lewis was. Then for some reason one commented to her sister that if one didn't forgive fully then one would not be forgiven. I stepped into the conversation at this point and asked question number one above. The women pondered and replied with confidence that Jesus had spoken these words before the cross. Their answer piqued their own curiosity. I then asked if Jesus had spoken those words under law or under grace. They declared immediately that He had spoken them under law. Their interest grew. I asked about Jesus' audience. This matter was not as clear to them, but with a little discussion they realized that they already knew that the Jews were law focused and the leaders of Israel taught do your best and not perfect love. I suggested that perfect love was the key to life and gave my short explanation of it. They said that they had been discussing much the motivation of love and asked for more clarification and permission to record the conversation. They eventually left ecstatic about new thoughts on perfect love, including its all-encompassing application and transformative power, and a free book on grace. You can read here my short wedding sermon on perfect love in marriage.

How do you as a Christian read the words of Jesus? Do you see them as written directly to you and thus directly applicable to you? Or do you see them as spoken directly to Israel--a people under the Old Covenant of merit-based acceptance--who were not honest that the law required perfect love? If you see them in the latter way, then they have only indirect application to you. It should bring you great joy to read about perfection knowing that you are totally free from its requirements through the sin-bearing love of Christ at the cross. It should move you to thankfulness that you are free to forgive because you are already perfectly forgiven (Eph. 4:32; Col, 3:13), with no more pressure of obligation or threats for failure. It should move you to gladness toward the saints who hurt you, even while they are hurting you, since you know that they also are free from all pressure and condemnation of performance. Wow! The law is beautiful and good, but only Christ could honor it. We saints are alive in His righteousness not our own, are dead to the law, and have the motivation of perfect love. Think perfect love and you might be surprised at how much you really like your spouse and children at their worst, and the people who mistreat you while they are doing it.

The Blessing of Living in Mormon Culture

I have a huge advantage over many Christians as I live in a culture 1) with very few Christians and that is very religious, 2) that uses Christian words but with different meanings, and 3) that is merit-based-favor focused like Israel of Jesus' day. Both emphasize 1) a God of love, 2) joy in God giving a system of merit-based favor to the people or world, 3) a process of repentance (stopping sin) to overcome failure, 4) laziness as the real enemy of God, and 5) optimism in pleasing God by doing one's best. Both openly hate righteousness as a gift through the death of Christ.

Mormons really like the words of Jesus, but interpret them as if Jesus were exaggerating and not really expecting people to obey them perfectly. They see the New Covenant as an easier Old Covenant rather that a relationship of unmerited favor--total freedom from the pressure of performance. They are deeply trained to think that there are only two ways to think about God: be lazy and sin a lot, or strive to do one's best at loving everyone and keeping the commandments. It is a joy to help them discover that we all know intuitively the truth of perfect love. It is a real pleasure to introduce them to the understanding that God is truly generous, His favor is fully unmerited, and that He wants us to be in a relationship where we are free to love purely from His great love for us, with no mixing of obligations and threats. They talk much about personal righteousness, and so hearing about the gift of righteousness is a huge shock to them. But as they realize that perfection is required and that they thus are spiritual beggars, the gift of righteousness becomes a surprise beyond their wildest dreams.

Practice reading the words of Jesus in their Old Testament context and you will be ready for your next conversation with a Mormon. 
    

THE LIE OF GRACE AS KINDNESS

Have you ever heard someone say something like, "He is a gracious man." or "She is a gracious woman."? What does the word gracious mean in this context? Doesn't it mean something akin to kindness? I have realized recently that hearing and using the word gracious in this fashion has corrupted my mind and confused my understanding of various Bible passages in which the word grace is used. Let's see if it has negatively influenced you.

Early in my Christian life, 35 years ago, I memorized Colossian 4:6: "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person." I remember wondering at how speaking kindly to a person would give me wisdom in what to say. How have you read this verse? Have you thought as I have?

We Christians say that grace means unmerited favor. In my Mormon culture there is no such thing as unmerited favor. Grace usually means something like God's kindness and generosity to give you another chance to do what is right. And if God is really feeling gracious and you are really sincere, then he will help you do the right thing. The Mormons speak of life as a time of probation, as a process of learning to do the right things--of learning to make the right choices consistently--of learning to live in a worthy manner. And they teach that God is committed to helping them do that. We Christians don't officially teach this, though we occasionally get tricked to think this way.

What would be the sense of this verse if we replace the word grace with unmerited favor and other words associated with the gospel? Here is my paraphrase. "Let your words always reflect unmerited favor. You do this by setting your mind on the gospel, on perfect love, on God's requirement of perfection, on Christ's death for helpless sinners as the demonstration of God's love, on a relationship based on the gift of righteousness rather than a reward of doing the right things. When you see others through the eyes of perfect love you will know how to speak to them in a way that honors God and His care for them." Unmerited favor is expressed in kindness, but kindness isn't the real issue. Reading grace here as eyes of perfect love takes the pressure off me.

I have begun pausing at the word grace and asking myself if I am reading it as kindness or unmerited favor. It has been surprising to realize how many places I have been reading it incorrectly as kindness. Try it yourself and notice how often you have been tricked too. Clear thinking leads to clear speaking. We certainly need clear words today in our confused culture.

GRACE IN MARRIAGE IS A MATTER OF VISION

“To Love a Person Means to See Him as God Intended Him to be.”

--Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Message spoken by Brad Scheelke 
at the bilingual wedding of Caleb Wardell and Indira Garrido

July 25, 2015
The translation into Spanish by Betsy Caseres follows at the end.

Welcome Friends and family,

Caleb and Indira are very pleased that you have joined them in their wedding celebration. They have asked me to speak words of blessing and remembrance to them about the type of marriage that our good God has created. Caleb, Indira and I have had wonderful times talking about God’s welcome of weak and helpless sinners and of his perfect Son Jesus as our only hope. They both want to begin their marriage confessing to all and to each other, that the love of God is the center of their relationship. They are very much in love with each other, but they are very aware that at their best they are weak and desperately needy. 

Fortunately our God is mighty and has promised His abundant strength to them when they see each other through His eyes of grace. They want you to listen in as I share with them some words of God’s vision of marriage. Feel free to make application to yourself.

First let’s thank God for the blessing of today.

Father in heaven, thank you for creating marriage to be a good and delightful blessing to all people. Thank you for making the finished work of your Son on the cross to be the solid foundation for us to stand on together through all the joys and trials of life. Please give us today a little bigger vision of your great love for weak and helpless people as we ponder together your love as the center of a good marriage. Thank you for this opportunity to celebrate your goodness in marriage today. In Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.

Caleb, Indira and friends please sit down and be comfortable as you listen to my words.

Caleb and Indira, it is with great joy that I remind you of three simple steps forward to thrive in your relationship with God, with each other, and with all others you will meet. These simple steps will fill your hearts with delight and make your home a place of peace where people will long to visit.

The first step is to remember that God is good, God is love, and God loves community. God loves you both very much. He delights in you. He always smiles down on you. He cares for you and has promised that to you as His dear children, all things work out together for good. This is easy to see on such a festive day as today. We are all happy and you are both at your best. But this is also true when you mistreat each other or when your friends neglect or mistreat you. God’s love is a one way love. He loves without requiring anything in response. That part is not too difficult to grasp. But the real surprise is that God is a God of community. Remember back years ago when you both realized that you were helpless sinners and that God delighted to save you by the blood of Christ on the cross, through faith alone, and without any personal works by you.

You were likely absorbed in your own private desires to be free from judgement and to be welcomed by God. When you realized this good news and took the gift of life, God freed you and welcomed you by taking you out of the kingdom of darkness and putting you into His kingdom of light. You were no longer trapped and alone in your sin. You were now in the fellowship of the forgiven. His kingdom is about community, about being together in His one way love. What a surprise it is that His community is all about remembering together and celebrating together the source of that community. That source is like a beautiful fountain that grows in beauty the more we ponder it. Since the community is not about each of you individually, but rather about God, it is good for you both to learn to see with God’s eyes. God has given you marriage as a good way for you to learn community together, and to see with the eyes of God.

I suggest that for weak people the way to learn to see consistently with God’s eyes is to think and speak what he thinks and speaks. Do that by gladly reminding each other of what God declares to be true about you both. Talk about it with friends. And maybe easiest of all is to talk to God about it as often as you desire.

Caleb, I encourage you today to take a small step forward and thank God often for what He thinks of Indira. Her identity is beautiful in God’s sight, even when she behaves like a sinner. While she is failing, God sees her as fully righteous and fully forgiven. He always smiles on her and will never count her evil actions against her. The smallest evil deed she does deserves death, but aren’t you glad that Jesus died in her place so that she can be free from the pressure to be perfect. It is your job as the husband to take this first step. Become an expert at this step of thankfulness. When you notice Indira fail, be quick to smile and remind her of how God sees her. Gentle reminders like this often lead to happy honest confessions.

And Indira, Caleb is a man and we men seem to specialize in being insensitive and forgetful. In those moments, will you see him as God does—as always fully righteous, fully forgiven, and gladly

welcomed? I suggest that you prepare your mind for action and take this same small step of thanking God often for the riches Caleb has in Christ. This step seems so small. How could it really be valuable? Let’s remember that God has declared that in His community, transformation comes simply by renewing our minds to the goodness of God, to perfect love.

The second small step is to realize that no matter how hard you try you cannot convince God to change His mind about how he runs His kingdom. He has declared that perfect love is the only good way to think about self and others. This is the key of knowledge. Thinking this way will give you the wisdom you need to respond to each other in love and grace when the other has failed you, or when you are the one who has failed. Thinking this way will also teach you to laugh at yourselves in your failures.

Caleb, God calls Indira to be a perfect wife. She should honor and respect you perfectly. She should be perfectly patient with you when you are late or complaining. That is a lot of pressure on a wife. Do you honestly think that she is going to succeed? Aren’t you glad that Christ died the death she deserved so that she doesn’t have to be perfect? Aren’t you glad that Christ has freed her from all that pressure? Since Christ is her perfection, Indira is free to love you as much as she wants. There is no pressure. The more she remembers God’s love for her at the cross, and the more freedom she feels from you, then the more love she will give you.

Here is a small practical step to help you deal with your bad reactions to her failures. When you notice Indira fail in some way, say out loud to yourself something like this: “Hey God, she shouldn’t have done that. She should have been perfect.” When you do this, you will find yourself laughing for forgetting perfect love and for becoming judgmental. You also will be glad that you are both together in the fellowship of the forgiven.

And for you Indira, realize that God requires Caleb to be a perfect husband. He should always be

tender, patient, sensitive, understanding, gentle, and encouraging, even when you are worried, tired, or angry at him. That is a lot of pressure on him. Do you think that he is going to succeed at being perfect? Aren’t you glad that Jesus gave Caleb the gift of perfection? Aren’t you glad that Jesus carries all the pressure for Caleb? So when you notice him fail, or you notice that you are upset at him because he was insensitive or impatient, take the same small step. Say aloud to yourself something like this: “You know God, Caleb shouldn’t have been angry with me, he should have been perfect.” When you do this, you will sense God smiling down on you and telling you that He loves you. And you will laugh at yourself for being so silly as to forget that Jesus took care of all Caleb’s failures already by dying for him on the cross.

Let’s be honest and real here. There is no chance for either of you, or for me, or for anyone else to be perfect. We have all already failed. Remember what an author we appreciate said. “Failure is not a virtue. Failure is a fact. Honesty about failure is a virtue.” This little step above is really all about helping us think more honestly, clearly and consistently about perfect love and the finished work of Christ as our only hope every second every day.

The third small step is to remember that perfect love is sufficient motivation to love each other well, and that forgetting perfect love is the cause of all sin. The devil and the world want to ruin your marriage by getting you to forget your identity in Christ. The world wants you to forget that you are both weak, and to forget that your only strength is in remembering who you are in Christ. They want you to accuse each other for failure and to pressure each other to improve. But God has called you to support and defend each other in your weakness by gently and gladly reminding each other of Christ’s work as all you need every minute every day, no matter how much you fail. God delights in you in your failure because of the blood of Christ. Learn to delight in each other for that same reason.

In summary, I suggest that you become experts at thanking God often for the riches that each of you have in Christ. Become experts at remembering that only perfect obedience pleases God and therefore the finished work of Christ is the only hope for pleasing God in your marriage. Become experts at seeing each other’s failures through the eyes of Christ so that your delight not be quenched. Joyfully remind each other of these things and thank the other for the reminder. This will keep the needed reminders coming.

Friends and family, Caleb and Indira invite you into close relationship with them. They desire to share life with you and enjoy together the finished work of Christ as the center of God’s community of one way love. Feel free to remind them as often as you like that only perfect obedience counts with God. And especially remind them of the riches they have in Christ. They freely admit their weakness and need of help from you. Let’s join them in taking these small steps together as they walk hand in hand for as many years as the Lord may grant them.

To them and you I leave these beautiful words of Dostoevsky, the Russian novelist. “To love a person means to see him as God intended him to be.”

Let’s celebrate!

"Amar a una persona significa verlo como Dios pretendió que fuera."

--Fyodor Dostoevsky

El mensaje hablado por Brad Scheelke

en la boda de

Caleb Wardell e Indira Garrido

25 de julio 2015

Bienvenidos Amigos y familiares,  

Caleb y Indira están muy complacidos de que ustedes los hayan acompañado en la celebración de su boda.   Ellos me han pedido que comparta palabras de bendición y que les ayuden a recordar acerca del tipo de matrimonio que nuestro buen Dios ha creado.  Caleb, Indira y yo hemos tenido momentos maravillosos hablando acerca de cómo Dios recibe a pecadores débiles e indefensos,  y de su perfecto Hijo Jesús  como nuestra única esperanza.   Ambos quieren comenzar su matrimonio confesando a todos  y el uno al otro, que el amor de Dios es el centro de su relación.   Ellos están muy enamorados el uno del otro, pero son muy conscientes de que en su mejor momento son débiles y desesperadamente necesitados.   Afortunadamente nuestro Dios es poderoso y ha prometido su abundante fuerza a ellos cuando ellos se ven el uno al otro a través de sus ojos de gracia.   Ellos quieren que ustedes escuchen mientras yo comparto con ellos algunas palabras de la visión que tiene Dios del matrimonio.   Siéntanse libre de hacer la aplicación para ustedes mismos.  

Primero vamos a dar gracias a Dios por la bendición de hoy.  

Padre celestial, gracias por crear el matrimonio para que  sea una bendición buena y agradable para todas las personas.   Gracias por crear la obra terminada de tu Hijo en la cruz para que sea la base sólida para que permanezcamos juntos  en los momentos de alegría y también en las pruebas de la vida.   Por favor, danos hoy una visión un poco más grande de tu gran amor por los débiles e indefensos mientras reflexionamos juntos sobre tu amor como el centro de un buen matrimonio.   Gracias por esta oportunidad de celebrar tu bondad en el matrimonio hoy.   En Jesucristo oramos. Amén.  

Caleb, Indira y amigos favor de tomar asiento y pónganse cómodos mientras escuchan mis palabras.  

Caleb y Indira, es con gran alegría que les quiero recordar de tres simples pasos adelante para prosperar en su relación con Dios, el uno con el otro, y con todos los demás que ustedes conocerán.   Estos pasos simples llenaran sus corazones de deleite y harán de su hogar un lugar de paz el cual las personas desearan visitar.  

El primer paso es recordar que Dios es bueno, Dios es amor, y Dios ama la comunidad.   Dios los ama mucho.  El se deleita en ustedes.   Siempre les está sonriendo.   Él tiene cuidado de ustedes y ha prometido que a ustedes como sus queridos hijos, todas las cosas les ayudan a bien.   Esto es fácil de ver en un día tan festivo como hoy.   Estamos todos felices y ustedes dos están en su mejor momento.   Pero esto también es cierto cuando ustedes se maltratan el uno al otro, o cuando sus amigos los descuidan o maltratan.   El amor de Dios es un amor de una via.   Él ama sin exigir nada en respuesta.   Esa parte no es demasiado difícil de entender.   Pero la verdadera sorpresa es que Dios es un Dios de comunidad.   Recuerden hace años cuando los dos se dieron cuenta de que eran pecadores desamparados y que Dios se deleitó en salvarlos por la sangre de Cristo en la cruz, por fe solamente, y sin ningún tipo de trabajo personal que ustedes hayan hecho.  

Probablemente estaban absorbidos en sus propios deseos privados de estar libres de juicio y de ser recibidos por Dios.   Cuando se dieron cuenta de esta buena noticia y tomaron el regalo de la vida, Dios los libero y los recibió, llevándolos desde el reino de las tinieblas y trasladándolos al el reino de la luz.   Entonces ya no estaban mas atrapados y solos en su pecado.   Si no que ahora ya están en comunión con los perdonados.   Su reino es acerca de comunidad, se trata de estar juntos en su amor de una via.   Qué sorpresa es que su comunidad se trata de recordar juntos y celebrar juntos la fuente de esa comunidad.   Esa fuente es como un hermoso manantial que crece en belleza mientras más lo contemplamos.  Y como la comunidad no se trata de cada uno de ustedes individualmente, sino de Dios, que es bueno que ustedes aprendan a ver con los ojos de Dios.   Dios les ha dado el matrimonio como una buena manera para que ustedes aprendan sobre la comunidad juntos, y a ver con los ojos de Dios.  

Yo sugiero que para las personas débiles la manera de aprender a ver constantemente con los ojos de Dios es pensar y hablar lo que piensan y hablan.   Hagan eso recordándose alegremente el uno al otro lo que Dios declara como verdad acerca de ustedes dos.   Hablenlo con amigos.   Y tal vez más lo fácil de todo es hablar con Dios acerca esto tantas veces como ustedes lo deseen.  

Caleb, te animo hoy para tomar un pequeño paso adelante y darle gracias a Dios a menudo por lo que Él piensa de Indira.   Su identidad es preciosa a los ojos de Dios, aun cuando ella se comporta como una pecadora.   Mientras ella está fallando, Dios la ve como justa totalmente y totalmente perdonada.   El siempre le sonríe  a ella y nunca va a contar sus malas acciones en su contra.   La mas pequeña mala acción que ella hace merece la muerte, pero no estas tu contento de que Jesús murió en su lugar para que ella pueda ser libre de la presión de ser perfecta.   Es tu trabajo como el marido de tomar este primer paso.   Conviértete en un experto en este paso de agradecimiento.   Cuando notes a Indira fallar, se rápido para sonreír y recordarle de cómo Dios la ve.   Recordatorios amables como éste a menudo conducen a confesiones honestas felices.

Y a ti Indira, Caleb es un hombre, y nosotros  los hombres parecemos especializarnos en ser insensibles y olvidadizos.   En esos momentos, ¿Lo veras como Dios lo ve, como totalmente justo, totalmente perdonado, y felizmente recibido?   Yo te Sugiero que prepares tu mente para la acción y que tomes este mismo pequeño paso de agradecer a Dios a menudo por las riquezas Caleb tiene en Cristo.   Este paso parece tan pequeño.   Como podía ser realmente valioso?   Recordemos que Dios ha declarado que en su comunidad, la transformación viene simplemente renovando nuestras mentes a la bondad de Dios, al amor perfecto.  

El segundo paso pequeño es darse cuenta de que no importa cuánto lo intentes no puedes convencer a Dios de cambiar de opinión acerca de cómo el ejecuta su reino.   Él ha declarado que el amor perfecto es la única buena manera de pensar acerca de uno mismo y de los demás.   Esta es la clave del conocimiento.   Pensar de esta manera les dará la sabiduría que necesitan para responder el uno al otro en  amor y  gracia cuando el otro te ha fallado, o cuando tu eres el que ha fallado.   Pensar de esta manera también les enseñará a reírse de sí mismos en sus fracasos.  

Caleb, Dios llama a Indira ser una esposa perfecta.   Ella debe honrarte y respetarte a la perfectamente.   Ella debe ser perfectamente paciente contigo cuando llegas tarde o cuando te quejas.   Eso es mucha presión sobre una mujer.   ¿Crees honestamente que ella tendrá éxito en esto?   ¿No estás contento de que Cristo murió la muerte que ella merecía para que así ella no tenga que ser perfecta?   No te alegras de que Cristo la ha liberado de toda esa presión?   Porque Cristo es su perfección, Indira es libre de amarte tanto como ella quiera.   No hay ninguna presión.   Cuanto más ella recuerda el amor de Dios por ella en la cruz, y la mayor libertad ella siente de ti, entonces más amor ella te dará.  

He aquí un pequeño paso práctico para ayudarlos a lidiar con tus malas reacciones a sus fracasos.   Cuando notes a Indira fallar de alguna manera, di en voz alta algo como esto: "Oye Dios, ella no debió haber hecho eso. Ella debió haber sido perfecta. "  Cuando hagas esto, te encontrarás a ti mismo riéndote por olvidar el amor perfecto y haberte vuelto crítico.   También estarás contento de que ustedes están juntos en la compañía de los perdonados.  

Y para ti Indira, date cuenta de que Dios le requiere a Caleb ser un marido perfecto.   Él siempre debe de ser tierno, paciente, sensible, comprensivo, amable y alentador, incluso cuando estás preocupada, cansada o enojada con él.   Eso es  mucha presión sobre él.   ¿Crees que el va a tener éxito en ser perfecto?   No te alegras de que Jesús dio a Caleb el don de la perfección?   No te alegras de que Jesús carga toda la presión de Caleb?   Así que cuando notes que el te falla, o notas  que estás molesta con él porque él fue insensible o impaciente, toma el mismo pequeño paso.   Di en voz alta algo como esto: "Tu sabes Dios, Caleb no debió haberse enojado conmigo, él debió haber sido perfecto."   Cuando hagas esto,  sentirás a Dios sonriéndote y diciéndote que Él te ama.   y te reiras de ti misma por haber sido tan tonta como para olvidar que Jesús ya se hizo cargo de todos los fracasos de Caleb al morir por él en la cruz.  

Seamos honestos y reales aquí.   No hay ningún chance de que ninguno de ustedes, o yo,  de que cualquier otra persona  sea perfecta.   Todos nosotros ya hemos fallado.   Recuerde lo que un autor apreciamos dijo.   "El fracaso no es una virtud. El fracaso es un hecho. La honestidad sobre el fracaso es una virtud. "  Este pequeño paso anterior es realmente acerca de ayudarnos a pensar  de manera más honesta, clara y consistente sobre el amor perfecto y la obra terminada de Cristo como nuestra única esperanza cada segundo de cada día.  

El tercer pequeño paso es recordar que el amor perfecto es suficiente motivación para amarse el uno al otro de buena manera, y que olvidar el amor perfecto es la causa de todo pecado.   El diablo y el mundo quieren arruinar su matrimonio haciéndolos olvidar su identidad en Cristo.   El mundo  quiere, que se olviden de que ambos son débiles, y que olviden que su única fuerza está en recordar quiénes son en Cristo.   Quieren que  se acusen mutuamente por los fracasos y presionarlos a mejorar.   Pero Dios los ha llamado a apoyarse y defenderse el uno al otro en sus debilidades a recordándose amable y felizmente el uno al otro la obra de Cristo como todo lo que ustedes necesitan cada minuto de cada día, no importa lo mucho que fallen.   Dios se deleita en ustedes en medio de su fracaso por causa de la sangre de Cristo.   Aprendan a deleitarse el uno con el otro por la misma razón.  

En resumen,  les sugiero que se conviertan en expertos en dar gracias a Dios a menudo por las riquezas que cada uno de ustedes tienen en Cristo.   conviértanse en expertos en recordar que sólo la obediencia perfecta agrada a Dios y por lo tanto la obra terminada de Cristo es la única esperanza de agradar a Dios en su matrimonio.   conviértanse en expertos en ver los fallos del otro a través de los ojos de Cristo para que su deleite no se apague.   Con alegría ayuden al otro a recordar estas cosas y agradezca al otro por recordarle.   Esto mantendrá llegando los recordatorios que necesitamos.  

Amigos y familia, Caleb e Indira les invitan a tener una estrecha relación con ellos.  Ellos desean compartir la vida con ustedes y disfrutar juntos la obra terminada de Cristo como el centro de la comunidad de Dios del amor de una vía.   Siéntanse libres para recordarles tan a menudo como quieran que la obediencia perfecta es la única que cuenta con Dios.   Y especialmente recuérdenles sobre las riquezas que tienen en Cristo.   Ellos libremente admiten su debilidad y la necesidad  ayuda de ustedes.   Acompañémoslos a tomar estos pequeños pasos juntos, mientras que ellos caminan de la mano por tantos años como el Señor les conceda.  

A ellos y a ustedes les dejo estas hermosas palabras de Dostoievski, el novelista ruso.   "Amar a una persona significa verlo como Dios pretendió que fuera."  

¡celebremos!