A YOUNG WOMAN'S INSIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART

 My Surprising Conversation with Bethany

by Brad Scheelke

   Bethany (about 22) came to Oasis Books and Conversation September 11 and asked about a specific Tolkien essay. We chatted about Tolkien and CS Lewis and I asked if she was a student at USU. She was and I told her about Professor Kleiner and his class on Tolkien and Lewis. She was unaware but interested. The conversation turned to Viktor Frankl and his vision that we live by our awareness of meaning. She expressed curiosity about not hearing of him. I opened his favorite of his books and read from the preface about our lack of ability to choose to love, to choose to believe, to choose to hope, or to choose to choose. She agreed and was intrigued.

     I told her I thought she was a fully valuable person. She smiled and thanked me. This accelerated our conversation as we discussed implications and applications of this. 

She told me about her LDS mission to Brazil, from which she recently returned. She mentioned meeting many troubled people there who had been treated as worthless. When we talked about the importance of good expectations, she mentioned trying to do good. I pointed to the chalkboard behind me (shown here) and asked what she thought of it. She liked it. I then asked the difference between her word trying and the word trust on the chalkboard. She said trying focused on her ability and trust focused on God. I heartily affirmed her words and told her I often discuss this difference, but few people seem to notice the difference as she had. We discussed some implications of the difference.

What does the natural man (the flesh) want to do?

I asked what she thought of the natural man being an enemy of God. She said it was true, said the flesh and the natural man were the same thing, and then surprised me by saying the natural man wants to be alone and do good without God's help. I joyfully affirmed her words and asked how she learned this as nearly all of the many with whom I discuss the natural man have said the flesh wants to do bad things. She disagreed with them. I told her that it took me years, some significant frustration, and finally honesty about my confusion before I noticed the scriptures teach what she said:  the flesh longs to achieve good. She said she didn’t read it in a book or learn it on her mission. She just knew it.

What is corrupt about the human heart?

I asked her to read Jeremiah 17:9 to me. 

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?”       -Jeremiah 17:9

She did and agreed fully with it even though it was new to her. I then told her I had memorized this verse in college as a new Christian, later memorized the context, and in reading it much over the years was blind to what the context said about the meaning of the deceitfulness of the human heart. 

I asked her to read verses 5-9 to me and tell me what the wickedness of the heart concerns.

“Thus says the LORD,

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man,

And makes flesh his strength,

whose heart turns away from the LORD.

For he will be like a bush in the desert

And will not see when prosperity comes,

But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness,

a land of salt without inhabitant.”

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD

And whose trust is the LORD.

For he will be like a tree planted by the water,

that extends its roots by a stream

And will not fear when the heat comes;

But its leaves will be green,

And it will not be anxious in a year of drought

Nor cease to yield fruit.”

“The heart is more deceitful than all else 

And is desperately sick;

Who can understand it?”

-Jeremiah 17:5-9

She read it aloud and said the heart turns away from trusting God's strength and turns to trusting in human strength. She said the flesh is human strength. She liked Jeremiah's illustration of two plants in the desert, one nourished by a stream of water and one not. She saw trust as the issue and the object of trust as the difference. 

Is the fruit of the Spirit

 the result of possessing the Spirit or of trusting the Spirit?

I then told her the Apostle Paul says something similar to Jeremiah in one of his letters, but he leaves a word implied which Jeremiah declares openly. 

I turned to Galatians and asked her to read to me Galatians 5:16-25. She did and we discussed the word Jeremiah states and Paul implies. Does Paul imply trust or possession? Does Paul mean trusting the Spirit bears good fruit or possessing the Spirit bears good fruit? Does he mean trusting the flesh results in bad things or possessing the flesh results in bad things?

   “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

    "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.”   

 -Galatians 5:16-25

She clearly saw the difference and said Paul’s point is all about trust and not about possession. Good things come out of our lives while we trust the Spirit and bad things come out of us while we trust the flesh—while we trust human ability to do good. I said in my circles people say possessing the Spirit bears good fruit and not possessing the Spirit results in bad things, and that this way of thinking easily leads sensitive people into discouragement when they see their performance as lacking.

What does it mean that God is the source of all goodness?

The conversation then turned to comparison to Christ. She said we should always make moral comparisons to Christ and never to other people. We discussed how this changes our view of ourselves and others—we identify with people rather than against them. We realize we all are together in the same boat as failures. I asked if thinking about Christ brought anything else to mind about what Christ did. She said that God revealed his love by sending Christ to die on the cross. She said that Christ’s death took care of all her sin, shame and guilt. We discussed the power of remembering to see a person as a fully valuable person; remembering to make comparison to Christ; and remembering that Christ died to take care of all sin. We discussed our practical experience of self-condemning thoughts and bad reactions toward others.

What does it mean that God is the source of all goodness?

 We then discussed how God is the source of all goodness and how we have no ability to be a source of goodness. As the sun is the source of all light shining from it and the moon, so God is the source of all spiritual light shining from Him and from all of us. We bear God’s image but not his reality. We are image-bearers who receive God’s goodness and overflow with it to others, while we are in our proper place of focus on his goodness. We are receivers and not achievers of the goodness we sense we need. 

The surprise of being a co-lover with God

 Then we talked about the nature of love and how our sense of love can mislead us. Since it is good to love we think we can love directly. Yet we often fail to love. Why? The surprise is that God calls us to love indirectly, to co-love with him. I do this by seeing him love a person. And while I see him loving the person his love overflows from my heart toward that person. 

At some point Bethany's eyes filled with tears. I gave her The Spirit is Moving and Thankfulness and Confession, urging her to begin thanking the Father for what Christ had done for her. She asked me for the Jeremiah reference. I gave her my card and wrote the Jeremiah and Galatians references. I urged her to get these things deep in her heart as many people are struggling in life and need to hear this message from her because they are confused about trying and about the flesh as well as forgetting to make comparison to Christ. I said all this is a heavy load for them. 

She said she is on campus only on Wednesdays for an LDS Institute class. I told her that was my day on campus to give away free books to students. I urged her to stop at the table on Wednesday for a free copy of Frankl's book.

 _____________________________

On Wednesday September 23, while I was at USU with the free book table, Bethany came to Oasis to talk. I wasn’t there and she wrote the following note for me.

 “I wanted to thank you for giving me a new perspective on Christ’s atonement. I really liked our conversation a few weeks ago. I hope you have a fantastic day!

-Bethany”

 

LOVE: WHY DO WE REBEL AGAINST IT?

Do you ever rebel against love?

Do you think that it is good for you to love other people? How often do you think that God wants you to take a break from loving other people? Is it good to get impatient, frustrated or angry toward other people? Can you remember having a bad reaction toward someone in the past year? Why do you think you had that bad reaction? Ponder this a moment before reading further.   

Haley’s Conversation of Surprises

Recently Haley stopped by the free book table at USU and joined conversation with Kyle and me. Both spoke like active Mormons. I commonly get at our rebellion and our need for Christ by asking about a person's experience of struggling to love others. Here is the sense of our conversation that revealed to her surprises in her heart (understanding). This reflects very many conversations I have had the past 2 years. 

Read along as if you were Haley.

Me: Do you ever struggle in loving others?

Haley: Sometimes.

Me: Do you know why you struggle?

Haley: I am an imperfect person.

Me: That sounds like an excuse to me. I know why you have done every evil thing you have ever done. You know it too but don't realize that you know it. Would you like to hear what I mean?

Haley: Yes, I would.

Me: It is easier to understand this matter if we evaluate our experience. Theoretical conversation often leaves us confused. Here is a simple example that has helped me. 

The sun and moon illustration

Me: The sun and moon both light our world, but shine for different reasons. What is the difference?

Haley: The sun has its own light, but the moon only reflects the light from the sun.

Me: How much light of its own does the moon have?

Haley: None.

Me: Even though the moon has no light of its own it does a good job lighting our world. We get the benefit. The moon’s role is to be a reflector of light. The sun's role is to be a source of light. Isn't this what we learned in school?

Haley: Yes

Me: I suggest that this can help us understand our role in life. God is good. He is the source of all goodness and created the world in a good way to display his goodness. He created us in his image to be in a good relationship with him where we would live in his goodness and shine out his goodness in all directions. This keeps pride out of life. Do you like this illustration?

Haley: Yes, it makes sense to me.

Me: There is a difference between the moon and us. The moon is not a person. Light simply reflects off of its surface. The moon doesn’t think about it. But we are people who live from the heart. God’s goodness and love flow from our hearts while we are properly focused on his love and goodness. 

How do we shine out God's love?

Me: Here is how it works. Can you think of a recent time when you got irritated, impatient or frustrated with someone?  We all have these experiences.

Haley: I am thinking of one.

Me: Don't tell me about it. Just keep that experience in mind.

Haley: Okay.

Me: Let’s start simple. Do you believe in God?

Haley: Yes.

Me: Do you believe that God is love?

Haley: Yes.

Me: Do you believe that God showed his love by sending Jesus to die for your sins?

Haley: Yes.

Me: For all your sins?

Haley: Yes.

Me: So, all your sins are forgiven?

Haley: Yes.

Me: That is wonderful. Do you ever beat yourself up for your failures? 

Haley: Very often. 

Me: Is God's love only for you or for other people, too?

Haley: God loves everyone and Jesus died for everyone. 

Me: Did Jesus die so that everyone could be completely forgiven?

Haley: Yes.

Me: We are on the same page. Go back to your experience of being irritated. Does God love that person and did Jesus die to take away all that person's sins?

Haley: Yes.

Me: Are you sure?

Haley: Positive.

Me: While you were irritated at that person, were you thinking about how much God loved her and that Jesus died to forgive all her sins?

Haley: (with a surprised look) No, I wasn't, but I should have been.

Me: Everyone tells me that. They should have been thinking love but weren't. 

The experience of remembering Jesus' death for sinners

Let's say that one day you were praying for that person who gets under your skin and thanking God for loving her and sending Jesus to die to take away all her sins. And let's say that while you were praying this way, the woman came up to you and did the thing that often irritates you. While you were praying or thinking this, do you think that you would have gotten irritated? 

Haley: (in surprise) No, not while I was thinking that. But I might forget easily.

Me: Isn't that interesting. While you are thinking of God's love, you don't get irritated. I have asked many people about this and they all describe the same experience. 

The experience of seeing people properly

Me: There is one other surprise about Jesus that helps us understand our experience of not loving others. Is it good for you to look down on me so that you can feel good about yourself?

Haley: No.

Me: Is it good for me to look down on you so that I can feel good about myself?

Haley: You should not do it either. No one should, but everybody does it.

Me: That is painful but true. Then how should we compare ourselves?

Haley: We should look up and compare ourselves to Jesus.

Me: That is good to do, but our pride doesn’t like it. Is it ever okay to lower the standard from Jesus?

Haley: No. We should never do that.

Me: I agree with you completely. Go back to your experience of irritation. While you were irritated, were you comparing that person to Jesus?

Haley: (in surprise) No. I was thinking about what she did wrong.

The experience of forgetting love

Me: You simply forgot that your place in life was to see that God manages her through love. The situation needed to be managed and you took matters into your own hands, lowering the standard and managing her through rules. It gets ugly when we do this. And we do this more that we realize. Our bad reactions always have this same cause. Jesus reveals the love of God through his perfection and death in our place. While we are remembering these two things, God's management through love overflows from our hearts. And it works this way for everyone else too.

Why is it easy to forget love?

Me: Here is the reason that we so easily forget God’s way. Go back to our illustration of the sun and moon. The moon shines brightly unless something happens. What can stop the moon from shining? 

Haley: When there is an eclipse. 

Me: For us the problem is different. No one else can block light from us. But we can self-eclipse. we can block the light from ourselves by forgetting our proper place of dependence on God’s goodness and love. We are made in God’s image and feel deeply his imprint that it is good to be a source of goodness. But that is his role in life. It isn’t yours, or mine or anyone else’s. We thrive when we are satisfied with our role as receivers of love and goodness. While we are satisfied this way, we overflow properly with his love and goodness to those around us, even while they are causing us trouble. But when we get tricked into forgetting our role, then we can have bad reactions.

The experience of self-condemnation

Let’s go back to something you said earlier. You said that Jesus died for you and that you are completely forgiven. Am I remembering correctly?

Haley: Yes, that is true.

Me: Has Jesus taken all your condemnation, shame, and guilt?

Haley: YesHH

Me: Has he taken all your beatings?

Haley: Yes

Me: It sound like you believe that Jesus is enough for you for all of life.

Haley: He is enough for me.

Me: I really like what you are saying. But if Jesus is enough for you for everything, and has taken all your beatings, condemnation, and shame, then why did you tell me that you often beat yourself up for your failings?

Haley: (surprised and embarrassed) I don’t know.

Me: (smiling) You forgot Jesus and in forgetting Jesus you tried to do his job. You were pretending to be God. This is really bad. Jesus took all your beatings and you believed the lie that there are some left for you to carry. Right?

Haley: (smiling) Yes

A testimony of how we experience change

Me: It is not good to believe this lie but we all do sometimes. I suggest that you are too weak to change, but there is hope because God wants to change you. Your job is simple—to trust him to do it by you remembering who Jesus is for you. The most natural way to remember is to pray without asking. Here is a testimony I wrote about my friend Pat, who was diagnosed with three mental illnesses and was nearly always super depressed. He read the Bible much and memorized many verses, but couldn’t escape his depression. He was so depressed that some people felt depressed just being around him. After many years of seeking to encourage him, in 2000 I gave him a piece of paper containing four Bible verses simplified into a prayer of thankfulness for who Jesus is for him. I told him to pray that daily. He said he couldn’t because it was too hard. But he somehow began to pray it. After five months he began to smile and now after 18 years he is consistently cheerful and seeks out discouraged people to encourage them. Please take a copy and follow his simple example. Pray as often as you want, thanking God for what you told me is true. Don’t ask for anything. Just thank God something like this. “Father, thank you that Jesus is enough for me for all of life. Thank you that Jesus carries all my sins. Thank you that Jesus has taken all my shame, guilt and beatings.” As the months go by you may notice that your mind more easily goes to what Jesus has done for you.

The beauty of self-honesty

Haley: I have been thanking God for my family, friends and church…

(beginning to cry) but I have forgotten to thank him for what Jesus has done for me.

Me:  Don’t beat yourself up. Simply start today thanking God for who Jesus is for you. He is enough for you for all of life.

Haley: Please may I take Pat’s story?

Me: Yes of course. You likely know someone else who struggles with self-condemnation, with whom you could share the story after you begin practicing it. We need each other. I am glad for our conversation. I am here on Wednesdays in good weather. Feel free to come downtown to Oasis Books inside the Great Harvest Bakery if you want to talk on other days.

Note: Haley left happy, with two books and Pat’s testimony.

ARE YOU CONFIDENT THAT GOD IS GOOD? A TEST

If you say that you trust that God is good, then I have a test for you.
True or False...

1. If God is good then all that He brings into your life is for your benefit and blessing.
2. All that does come into your life works for good because you know God.
3. Every criticism that you receive, even when false and unkind, is a blessing to you from God.
4. You gladly welcome all criticism as a blessing from God.
5. You know your tendency to resist criticism and therefore pray and ask God to bring you critics to help you overcome this tendency.
6. Since God is good and critics are His blessing to you, you regularly thank God for bringing them to you.
7. Since God is good, you rejoice in the Lord always while receiving criticism, realizing that you are worse than the critics declare.
8. Since critics are a blessing from God to help you see your need to learn to love, you thank your critics for offering their criticism--even when it is not valid--to honor their care for you.

If you trust that God is good then the above will naturally overflows from that trust. Have you been afraid to pray in this way? Are you thinking that God's answer might be out of your control? What does that reveal about your confidence that God is good? Here is a simple step forward in trusting the goodness of God. Will you take it? The Christians around you would be blessed if you did.

"Father in heaven, thank you that you are good in all that comes my way. Thank you that all my critics are a blessing sent from your hand of love to help me see my need to grow in love. Please bring me critics on your schedule as much as you think I need. Sooner is better than later for the sake of my family, friends, and church. Thank you for making Christ to be all my security when the critics come. Amen."

Decades ago an article by AW Tozer brought the above to my attention and I began to pray this way. It is easy and natural for us humans to see our critics as a problem. I suggest that we cannot overcome this problem, but can only suppress it. The good news is that God can overcome it for us. Since beginning to pray this prayer, all my critics have become an answer to prayer. By definition they are no longer a problem for me but rather a blessing to me. What a relief. God is so good! Let's celebrate...even with our critics. 

FYI: This applies to trials as well as critics. Feel free to make that application also.

WHERE IS CHRISTIAN UNITY FOUND?

The Apostle Paul's Great Desire

Paul't great effort was to the purpose for all Christians "that their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and to all the riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the knowledge of the mystery of God, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and of knowledge." -Colossians 2:1-3

Notice that:
1) Paul desired all saints to be encouraged in heart.
2) All saints are already knit together. It is a done deal. It is finished.
3) The focus of that knitting together is love (God's). The implication is that it is not your (or other's) proper behavior.
4) The purpose of that knitting together is all the riches of the full assurance that comes from understanding.
5) The riches are total not partial.
6) The assurance is full not partial.
7) The foundation of the riches and assurance is understanding, This implies that it excludes your (or other's) proper behavior.
8) The understanding is focused on knowledge of the mystery of God.
9) The mystery of God is Christ.
10) ALL the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are in Christ.
11) Since the treasures are hidden then they are not obvious.
12) A saint need search no where but Christ to discover the riches God has extended and that are already possessed in Christ.

A Vision of Encouragement Overflows

God through Paul expresses His vision and longing for all saints to be encouraged. Do you want encouragement? Then ponder what you have in Christ. Do you see a discouraged saint? Then gently remind that dear one of what you together have in Christ. Do you sense distance from other saints? Then apply the above in some way that puts you at the feet of the other that you might look together at the treasures in Christ. Do you see division among other saints? Then prepare yourself to be part of the solution by renewing you mind to this truth by simple submission through thankfulness. Thank God often for details of what it says and means and how it applies to you and to those giving the appearance of division. Then you will likely be a more-effective minister of reconciliation when the opportunity arises.

This is a community affair. Let's celebrate!

Heavenly Love Flows From a Vision of Heavenly Love

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfections." 
-Colossians 3:12-15

The cross is the place where God's love triumphed over the powers of evil. The Father, in His pleasure, chose to send Christ to the Cross. Christ "desired us to be with Him where He is" and chose to lay His life down to "purify for Himself His own special people". When you think of the cross, do you see yourself as God sees you? Yes, your sin sent Christ to the cross. Yes, He is the total sacrifice for your sins. But is that all you see yourself as—a sinner saved by grace? The apostles frequently revealed that God's vision of you in Christ is far more glorious than that.

In the above passage, Paul declares through the Spirit, that if you are in Christ, then you are God's elect and therefore holy and dearly loved--not just loved but beloved or dearly loved. The Father loves you just as He loves the Son (John 17:23). Christ is all your holiness and righteousness (1Cor 1:30) and much more. At your "worst" as at your "best", the Father loves and see you this way. It is not about you. It is all about Him—His love, sanctification, and election of you in Christ. Notice in the above passage that God commands, and seems to simply expect, all of us saints to put on these beautiful qualities of kindness, patience, forgiveness, and love in all circumstances with all other saints no matter the mistreatment we receive. This may seem unrealistic to you. And it will, if you are looking at yourself, your past, your circumstances, or your abilities. But if you look at at God's love for you in Christ, you will see that same love toward all other saints around you, and your heart will overflow with His kindness, grace, forgiveness, and love. Such should be natural and effortless on our part. Paul said that he labored with all God's energy that mightily worked in him (Col 1:29). So what is our problem?

You are His beloved. Do you see that the Father's thoughts toward you are always ones of love, forgiveness and grace, no matter how much you fail or are misunderstood, mistreated or abused by other saints? And those saints who mistreat you, do you see that God's thoughts toward them are always ones of love, forgiveness and grace? Do you really see it? Or, have you forgotten? God's love is true and secure for all His children all the time. But we get to choose whether we see ourselves and other saints through eyes of God's love and grace or through eyes of human performance. God does not empower us to love when we choose the latter, but He does when we choose the former. Why do we fail to love? It is very simple, we have forgotten to see His love. Please don't misunderstand. This does not mean that you have stopped believing He loves you. You need to simply "fix your eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of your faith." Then God's love through you, to even the most obnoxious of saints, will be natural and effortless—though not necessarily painless. The effort should all be God's.

If natural and effortless love seems unreasonable to you, I would encourage you to begin thanking the Father often for the riches you already have in Christ. Let this soak in you mind. You may be surprised at how God will slowly change you without your effort. For a testimony of God's faithfulness to work in the life of a weak brother who began to give thanks, download freely and read Thankfulness and Confession at: http://ccmbooks.org/free-literature/

Next time I hope to write on the way to continual and effortless forgiveness, no matter the abuse.