Saturday, December 29, 2018

LOVE: WHY DO WE REBEL AGAINST IT?

Do you ever rebel against love?

Do you think that it is good for you to love other people? How often do you think that God wants you to take a break from loving other people? Is it good to get impatient, frustrated or angry toward other people? Can you remember having a bad reaction toward someone in the past year? Why do you think you had that bad reaction? Ponder this a moment before reading further.   

Haley’s Conversation of Surprises

Recently Haley stopped by the free book table at USU and joined conversation with Kyle and me. Both spoke like active Mormons. I commonly get at our rebellion and our need for Christ by asking about a person's experience of struggling to love others. Here is the sense of our conversation that revealed to her surprises in her heart (understanding). This reflects very many conversations I have had the past 2 years. 

Read along as if you were Haley.

Me: Do you ever struggle in loving others?
Haley: Sometimes.
Me: Do you know why you struggle?
Haley: I am an imperfect person.
Me: That sounds like an excuse to me. I know why you have done every evil thing you have ever done. You know it too but don't realize that you know it. Would you like to hear what I mean?
Haley: Yes, I would.
Me: It is easier to understand this matter if we evaluate our experience. Theoretical conversation often leaves us confused. Here is a simple example that has helped me. 

The sun and moon illustration

Me: The sun and moon both light our world, but shine for different reasons. What is the difference?
Haley: The sun has its own light, but the moon only reflects the light from the sun.
Me: How much light of its own does the moon have?
Haley: None.
Me: Even though the moon has no light of its own it does a good job lighting our world. We get the benefit. The moon’s role is to be a reflector of light. The sun's role is to be a source of light. Isn't this what we learned in school?
Haley: Yes
Me: I suggest that this can help us understand our role in life. God is good. He is the source of all goodness and created the world in a good way to display his goodness. He created us in his image to be in a good relationship with him where we would live in his goodness and shine out his goodness in all directions. This keeps pride out of life. Do you like this illustration?
Haley: Yes, it makes sense to me.
Me: There is a difference between the moon and us. The moon is not a person. Light simply reflects off of its surface. The moon doesn’t think about it. But we are people who live from the heart. God’s goodness and love flow from our hearts while we are properly focused on his love and goodness. 

How do we shine out God's love?

Me: Here is how it works. Can you think of a recent time when you got irritated, impatient or frustrated with someone?  We all have these experiences.
Haley: I am thinking of one.
Me: Don't tell me about it. Just keep that experience in mind.
Haley: Okay.
Me: Let’s start simple. Do you believe in God?
Haley: Yes.
Me: Do you believe that God is love?
Haley: Yes.
Me: Do you believe that God showed his love by sending Jesus to die for your sins?
Haley: Yes.
Me: For all your sins?
Haley: Yes.
Me: So, all your sins are forgiven?
Haley: Yes.
Me: That is wonderful. Do you ever beat yourself up for your failures? 
Haley: Very often. 
Me: Is God's love only for you or for other people, too?
Haley: God loves everyone and Jesus died for everyone. 
Me: Did Jesus die so that everyone could be completely forgiven?
Haley: Yes.
Me: We are on the same page. Go back to your experience of being irritated. Does God love that person and did Jesus die to take away all that person's sins?
Haley: Yes.
Me: Are you sure?
Haley: Positive.
Me: While you were irritated at that person, were you thinking about how much God loved her and that Jesus died to forgive all her sins?
Haley: (with a surprised look) No, I wasn't, but I should have been.
Me: Everyone tells me that. They should have been thinking love but weren't. 

The experience of remembering Jesus' death for sinners

Let's say that one day you were praying for that person who gets under your skin and thanking God for loving her and sending Jesus to die to take away all her sins. And let's say that while you were praying this way, the woman came up to you and did the thing that often irritates you. While you were praying or thinking this, do you think that you would have gotten irritated? 
Haley: (in surprise) No, not while I was thinking that. But I might forget easily.
Me: Isn't that interesting. While you are thinking of God's love, you don't get irritated. I have asked many people about this and they all describe the same experience. 

The experience of seeing people properly

Me: There is one other surprise about Jesus that helps us understand our experience of not loving others. Is it good for you to look down on me so that you can feel good about yourself?
Haley: No.
Me: Is it good for me to look down on you so that I can feel good about myself?
Haley: You should not do it either. No one should, but everybody does it.
Me: That is painful but true. Then how should we compare ourselves?
Haley: We should look up and compare ourselves to Jesus.
Me: That is good to do, but our pride doesn’t like it. Is it ever okay to lower the standard from Jesus?
Haley: No. We should never do that.
Me: I agree with you completely. Go back to your experience of irritation. While you were irritated, were you comparing that person to Jesus?
Haley: (in surprise) No. I was thinking about what she did wrong.

The experience of forgetting love

Me: You simply forgot that your place in life was to see that God manages her through love. The situation needed to be managed and you took matters into your own hands, lowering the standard and managing her through rules. It gets ugly when we do this. And we do this more that we realize. Our bad reactions always have this same cause. Jesus reveals the love of God through his perfection and death in our place. While we are remembering these two things, God's management through love overflows from our hearts. And it works this way for everyone else too.

Why is it easy to forget love?

Me: Here is the reason that we so easily forget God’s way. Go back to our illustration of the sun and moon. The moon shines brightly unless something happens. What can stop the moon from shining? 
Haley: When there is an eclipse. 
Me: For us the problem is different. No one else can block light from us. But we can self-eclipse. we can block the light from ourselves by forgetting our proper place of dependence on God’s goodness and love. We are made in God’s image and feel deeply his imprint that it is good to be a source of goodness. But that is his role in life. It isn’t yours, or mine or anyone else’s. We thrive when we are satisfied with our role as receivers of love and goodness. While we are satisfied this way, we overflow properly with his love and goodness to those around us, even while they are causing us trouble. But when we get tricked into forgetting our role, then we can have bad reactions.

The experience of self-condemnation

Let’s go back to something you said earlier. You said that Jesus died for you and that you are completely forgiven. Am I remembering correctly?
Haley: Yes, that is true.
Me: Has Jesus taken all your condemnation, shame, and guilt?
Haley: YesHH
Me: Has he taken all your beatings?
Haley: Yes
Me: It sound like you believe that Jesus is enough for you for all of life.
Haley: He is enough for me.
Me: I really like what you are saying. But if Jesus is enough for you for everything, and has taken all your beatings, condemnation, and shame, then why did you tell me that you often beat yourself up for your failings?
Haley: (surprised and embarrassed) I don’t know.
Me: (smiling) You forgot Jesus and in forgetting Jesus you tried to do his job. You were pretending to be God. This is really bad. Jesus took all your beatings and you believed the lie that there are some left for you to carry. Right?
Haley: (smiling) Yes

A testimony of how we experience change

Me: It is not good to believe this lie but we all do sometimes. I suggest that you are too weak to change, but there is hope because God wants to change you. Your job is simple—to trust him to do it by you remembering who Jesus is for you. The most natural way to remember is to pray without asking. Here is a testimony I wrote about my friend Pat, who was diagnosed with three mental illnesses and was nearly always super depressed. He read the Bible much and memorized many verses, but couldn’t escape his depression. He was so depressed that some people felt depressed just being around him. After many years of seeking to encourage him, in 2000 I gave him a piece of paper containing four Bible verses simplified into a prayer of thankfulness for who Jesus is for him. I told him to pray that daily. He said he couldn’t because it was too hard. But he somehow began to pray it. After five months he began to smile and now after 18 years he is consistently cheerful and seeks out discouraged people to encourage them. Please take a copy and follow his simple example. Pray as often as you want, thanking God for what you told me is true. Don’t ask for anything. Just thank God something like this. “Father, thank you that Jesus is enough for me for all of life. Thank you that Jesus carries all my sins. Thank you that Jesus has taken all my shame, guilt and beatings.” As the months go by you may notice that your mind more easily goes to what Jesus has done for you.

The beauty of self-honesty

Haley: I have been thanking God for my family, friends and church…
(beginning to cry) but I have forgotten to thank him for what Jesus has done for me.
Me:  Don’t beat yourself up. Simply start today thanking God for who Jesus is for you. He is enough for you for all of life.
Haley: Please may I take Pat’s story?
Me: Yes of course. You likely know someone else who struggles with self-condemnation, with whom you could share the story after you begin practicing it. We need each other. I am glad for our conversation. I am here on Wednesdays in good weather. Feel free to come downtown to Oasis Books inside the Great Harvest Bakery if you want to talk on other days.

Note: Haley left happy, with two books and Pat’s testimony.

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