Do you ever rebel against love?
Do you think that it is good for you to love other people? How often do you think that God wants you to take a break from loving other people? Is it good to get impatient, frustrated or angry toward other people? Can you remember having a bad reaction toward someone in the past year? Why do you think you had that bad reaction? Ponder this a moment before reading further.
Haley’s
Conversation of Surprises
Recently Haley stopped
by the free book table at USU and joined conversation with Kyle and
me. Both spoke like active Mormons. I commonly get at our rebellion and our
need for Christ by asking about a person's experience of struggling to love
others. Here is the sense of our conversation that revealed to her surprises in
her heart (understanding). This reflects very many conversations I have had the
past 2 years.
Read along as if you were Haley.
Me: Do you ever struggle
in loving others?
Haley: Sometimes.
Me: Do you know why you
struggle?
Haley: I am an imperfect person.
Me: That sounds like an
excuse to me. I know why you have done every evil thing you have ever done. You
know it too but don't realize that you know it. Would you like to hear what I
mean?
Haley: Yes, I would.
Me: It is easier to understand
this matter if we evaluate our experience. Theoretical conversation often
leaves us confused. Here is a simple example that has helped me.
The sun and moon illustration
Me: The sun and
moon both light our world, but shine for different reasons. What is the
difference?
Haley: The sun has its own
light, but the moon only reflects the light from the sun.
Me: How much light of its
own does the moon have?
Haley: None.
Me: Even though the moon
has no light of its own it does a good job lighting our world. We get the
benefit. The moon’s role is to be a reflector of light. The sun's role is to be
a source of light. Isn't this what we learned in school?
Haley: Yes
Me: I suggest that this
can help us understand our role in life. God is good. He is the source of all
goodness and created the world in a good way to display his goodness. He
created us in his image to be in a good relationship with him where we would
live in his goodness and shine out his goodness in all directions. This keeps
pride out of life. Do you like this illustration?
Haley: Yes, it makes sense to me.
Me: There is a
difference between the moon and us. The moon is not a person. Light simply
reflects off of its surface. The moon doesn’t think about it. But we are people
who live from the heart. God’s goodness and love flow from our hearts while we
are properly focused on his love and goodness.
How do we shine out God's love?
Me: Here is how it works. Can you think
of a recent time when you got irritated, impatient or frustrated with someone?
We all have these experiences.
Haley: I am thinking of one.
Me: Don't tell me about
it. Just keep that experience in mind.
Haley: Okay.
Me: Let’s start simple. Do
you believe in God?
Haley: Yes.
Me: Do you believe that
God is love?
Haley: Yes.
Me: Do you believe that
God showed his love by sending Jesus to die for your sins?
Haley: Yes.
Me: For all your sins?
Haley: Yes.
Me: So, all your sins are
forgiven?
Haley: Yes.
Me: That is wonderful. Do
you ever beat yourself up for your failures?
Haley: Very often.
Me: Is God's love only
for you or for other people, too?
Haley: God loves everyone
and Jesus died for everyone.
Me: Did Jesus die so that
everyone could be completely forgiven?
Haley: Yes.
Me: We are on the same page. Go back to
your experience of being irritated. Does God love that person and did Jesus die
to take away all that person's sins?
Haley: Yes.
Me: Are you sure?
Haley: Positive.
Me: While you were
irritated at that person, were you thinking about how much God loved her and
that Jesus died to forgive all her sins?
Haley: (with a surprised
look) No, I wasn't, but I should have been.
Me: Everyone tells me
that. They should have been thinking love but weren't.
The experience of remembering Jesus' death for sinners
Let's say that one day
you were praying for that person who gets under your skin and thanking God for
loving her and sending Jesus to die to take away all her sins. And let's say that
while you were praying this way, the woman came up to you and did the thing
that often irritates you. While you were praying or thinking this, do you think
that you would have gotten irritated?
Haley: (in surprise) No, not
while I was thinking that. But I might forget easily.
Me: Isn't that
interesting. While you are thinking of God's love, you don't get irritated. I
have asked many people about this and they all describe the same experience.
The experience of seeing people properly
Me: There is one other surprise about Jesus that helps us understand our experience
of not loving others. Is it good for you to look down on me so that you can
feel good about yourself?
Haley: No.
Me: Is it good for me to
look down on you so that I can feel good about myself?
Haley: You should not do it
either. No one should, but everybody does it.
Me: That is painful but true. Then how
should we compare ourselves?
Haley: We should look up and
compare ourselves to Jesus.
Me: That is good to do,
but our pride doesn’t like it. Is it ever okay to lower the standard from Jesus?
Haley: No. We should never
do that.
Me: I agree with you
completely. Go back to your experience of irritation. While you were irritated,
were you comparing that person to Jesus?
Haley: (in surprise) No. I
was thinking about what she did wrong.
The experience of forgetting love
Me: You simply forgot
that your place in life was to see that God manages her through love. The
situation needed to be managed and you took matters into your own hands,
lowering the standard and managing her through rules. It gets ugly when we do
this. And we do this more that we realize. Our bad reactions always have this
same cause. Jesus reveals the love of God through his perfection and death in
our place. While we are remembering these two things, God's management through love
overflows from our hearts. And it works this way for everyone else too.
Why is it easy to forget love?
Me: Here is the reason
that we so easily forget God’s way. Go back to our illustration of the sun and
moon. The moon shines brightly unless something happens. What can stop the moon from shining?
Haley: When there is an eclipse.
Me: For us the
problem is different. No one else can block light from us. But we
can self-eclipse. we can block the light from ourselves by forgetting our proper place of dependence
on God’s goodness and love. We are made in God’s image and feel deeply his imprint
that it is good to be a source of goodness. But that is his role in life. It
isn’t yours, or mine or anyone else’s. We thrive when we are satisfied with our role as
receivers of love and goodness. While we are satisfied this way, we overflow properly with
his love and goodness to those around us, even while they are causing us
trouble. But when we get tricked into forgetting our role, then we can have bad reactions.
The experience of self-condemnation
Let’s go back to
something you said earlier. You said that Jesus died for you and that you are
completely forgiven. Am I remembering correctly?
Haley: Yes,
that is true.
Me: Has Jesus taken all
your condemnation, shame, and guilt?
Haley: Yes
Me: Has he taken all your
beatings?
Haley: Yes
Me: It sound like you
believe that Jesus is enough for you for all of life.
Haley: He
is enough for me.
Me: I really like what you
are saying. But if Jesus is enough for you for everything, and has taken all
your beatings, condemnation, and shame, then why did you tell me that you often
beat yourself up for your failings?
Haley: (surprised
and embarrassed) I don’t know.
Me: (smiling) You forgot
Jesus and in forgetting Jesus you tried to do his job. You were pretending to
be God. This is really bad. Jesus took all your beatings and you believed the
lie that there are some left for you to carry. Right?
Haley: (smiling)
Yes
A testimony of how we experience change
Me: It is not good to
believe this lie but we all do sometimes. I suggest that you are too weak to change, but there is hope
because God wants to change you. Your job is simple—to trust him to do it by
you remembering who Jesus is for you. The most natural way to remember is to
pray without asking. Here is a testimony I wrote about my friend Pat, who was
diagnosed with three mental illnesses and was nearly always super depressed. He
read the Bible much and memorized many verses, but couldn’t escape his
depression. He was so depressed that some people felt depressed just being around
him. After many years of seeking to encourage him, in 2000 I gave him a piece
of paper containing four Bible verses simplified into a prayer of thankfulness
for who Jesus is for him. I told him to pray that daily. He said he couldn’t
because it was too hard. But he somehow began to pray it. After five months he began to
smile and now after 18 years he is consistently cheerful and seeks out
discouraged people to encourage them. Please take a copy and follow his simple
example. Pray as often as you want, thanking God for what you told me is true.
Don’t ask for anything. Just thank God something like this. “Father, thank you
that Jesus is enough for me for all of life. Thank you that Jesus carries all
my sins. Thank you that Jesus has taken all my shame, guilt and beatings.” As
the months go by you may notice that your mind more easily goes to what Jesus
has done for you.
The beauty of self-honesty
Haley: I
have been thanking God for my family, friends and church…
(beginning to cry) but
I have forgotten to thank him for what Jesus has done for me.
Me: Don’t beat yourself up. Simply start today
thanking God for who Jesus is for you. He is enough for you for all of life.
Haley: Please
may I take Pat’s story?
Me: Yes of course. You
likely know someone else who struggles with self-condemnation, with whom you could
share the story after you begin practicing it. We need each other. I am glad
for our conversation. I am here on Wednesdays in good weather. Feel free to
come downtown to Oasis Books inside the Great Harvest Bakery if you want to
talk on other days.
